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Office Veterans Association
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Pouncy [userpic]

Well, I've sure thought most of them...

40 Things You'd Love To Say Out LoudCollapse )

Dear Miss Management: It would have been really nice of you to tell me that you didn't want anything from September boxed for archives BEFORE I started boxing shit. Fortunately, I have good foresight and made the decision to not send September files on my own, and the fact that you made the decision and didn't tell me pisses me off.

Oh Mr. Copier guy? If you insist on having a toner explosion PLEASE tell someone that you did! Don't just wipe off a single surface then leave the building. One of our clients went home with in a white shirt blotched with black because her file was placed on top of your mess, and MY shirt is ruined because *I* was the one elected to clean up after your sorry lazy ass. I pray it comes off in the wash. If not, you'll be hearing from me in the morning, and I'll be starting with your supervisor. 

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Tara [userpic]

1) You come over to my desk with something to leave for me. You see that I am making changes to a document, and looking at a marked-up copy of said document to do so. Do you:

a: Hand your document to me.
b: Lay your document on one of the many areas of my desk not currently in use.
c: Lay your document right on top of the document you can see me reading.

If you answered a or b, congratulations! You are not annoying! If you answered c, please go away and do not come back to my desk ever ever again. Ever.

Current Mood: bitchybitchy

Dear Boss-man,

When you write emails with task lists to the email address I can only check from home, I won't get them until after I get home. We've had this discussion before. No, I don't generally try to ignore you deliberately, just when I'm not aware you're trying to contact me. Putz.


Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

Dear Associate of the Quarter,

The company would like it's money back. The award you received last quarter was obviously undeserved. I've been getting calls all week while you're calling out sick, saying you haven't done this, that and the other thing. I'd like to point out that half the stuff they're calling about is 4 months over due, and was supposed to come back to me, and not to you. Why do you insist on keeping my Fedex packages in your office? Who the hell nominated your coke-snorting ass for the award everyone in this office except you deserves, and what possessed them do to so?

By the way, we've been keeping a list of your offenses over the last year in the hopes of showing it to the boss and having you fired. The fact that you won this award makes us resent you like no one else, and for me personally, I have a newfound dislike from the far reaches of my soul for you. Oh, and I don't enjoy having to root through your pig-sty of a desk in order to find what I need to fix your mistakes and complete things you promised to complete, months ago. Funny how when you're not here, people call me and yell at me for the things you didn't do, and I'm not licensed to do, and therefore can't fix the issue.

So thanks, for making my day a living hell because you can't be bothered to let me know when you have a package addressed to me, but instead open it, throw the envelope away, then hide the contents underneath a half-eaten peanut-butter sandwich that's been sitting in your drawer so long it's growing hair longer than mine.

Oh, and the boss wants me to train with you, so I can take up some of your load, and stop the company from being dead in the water when you call out after your "bowling night".

No love, Moi.

Current Mood: stressedstressed
The Mercurial Magpie [userpic]

I don't care that it's Friday.
I don't care that our supervisor is not here today.
I don't want to hear "More Human Than Human" blasting from your computer speakers at 8:15 am.
Rob Zombie is *not* something you play in a professional office.

Damn f*$%&^#@*ing kids!
I swear, any other office, and you'd be eaten for lunch.

Current Mood: irritatedirritated

Dear Solicitors who can't read:

1) The front door on the building says "No soliciting." I don't care if it's office supplies or marshmallows. It includes you.

2) The door you came through has a sign that says "Authorized Westminster Employees Only." You're not an employee.

3) Yes, I do the ordering for the company. We are not a small business. We are owned by a very large corporation. Which means it would take an act of God for me to get the approval to switch to your company, even if I wasn't already annoyed with you for cornering me in my personal office.

4) Telling me you're a loser and that you have memorized the price list of other companies doesn't impress me. The fact that you're still in my door after I've said no thanks means I'm digging my heels in, and saying no a lot more firmly.

5) Refusing to at least give me a business card or a phone number so I can at least tell my boss about you makes me not only annoyed, but now I'm suspicious. Salesmen who don't have business cards or phone numbers are suspect. So yeah, I'll tell my boss about you. None of it will be good.

Oh, and one more thing. Going to the front office and trying again? Guess what, it's not a large office and everyone heard our conversation. If they didn't they were informed before you got to the front door. Not only are they well-aware of why you're here, but they are not God, and cannot help you any more than I can. And they'll just direct you back to me. Toodles!

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

Anyone here have experience with the eDocs product by OpenText?

Dear Angry Client #1:

If you start ranting about an issue before giving me your information, I can't help you.
If you won't shut up from your rant long enough to even give me your name, I can't help you.
If you're only going to tell me a teensy part of the problem, with vague details, and it's something that doesn't even go through my company, I can't help you.
If you tell me you're going to start writing letters, I really can't say anything to placate you, because you haven't given me a chance to even figure out what the problem is.
If you're going to ask me what the hell you need to do, then hang up on me because I say I honestly don't know, since you're asking a marshmallow maker how to build a ship, you have no one to blame but yourself for the problem.
If you'd calm down and give me a few basic details, I'd have been happy to help.

I really hope you call back and ask for a manager. He's been informed, and is probably going to tell you to stuff it.

No love, Me.

Dear Angry Client #2.

I'm really very sorry you're too stupid to ask for something, before demanding. Your ex-husband called me a month ago, said please, paid the minor archive fee, and got his hands on copies of your file. He's a very nice, calm, ingratiating man. Oh and he got it the day after he called. Had you bothered to call and simply ask the same favor, it would have been free, since he had already requested copies and paid the bill. We still had it in the office. I'm not sure why you thought you would have to subpoena us for the same information, but the fact that you spent all that time (a month) and money getting the subpoena, paying your lawyer, and then having it delivered to us by Certified Mail seems a little... excessive and stupid.

So you can shove your righteous attitude about how long it took to get this up your ... ahem. I had your copies ready before your damn even subpoena arrived, bitch. No wonder your husband divorced you. I hope he wins the house in court, since he said please instead of threatening my company with lawyers out of the gate.


Current Mood: annoyedlivid

Dear Mr. Art Director,

Please, for the love of all that's holy, be specific! If you tell me you want a picture of a baby being cradled in giant hands, that's what you're going to get. Complaints like the baby wasn't in a fetal position, wasn't glowing with heavenly light as if God was handing him down to earth, and the background isn't Outer Space, are just a wee bit invalid if you're not going to tell me these important details up front! When I hear "baby" I don't immediately think radioactive glow-in-the-dark Christ-child with dread locks! (And for the record, when you send me a source picture of yourself as a baby, facing forward and past immediate infancy, you can't blame me for making the baby too old, forward, or with too narrow eyes, you narrow-eyed, vague type person!)

So yes, I just condescendingly told you to think about what you want for an image just a wee bit longer so you can explain what you want, in English, with enough detail that I don't have to play the mind-reading game.

Frustratingly yours,

Current Mood: annoyedmiffed
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